My Thanksgiving Message to the President of the University of Pennsylvania

Dear President Magill,

Your University is currently promoting Mike Rinder as an upcoming speaker on your campus and a book he recently published. Mike Rinder is my father. I am appalled that you would give him a platform to spread his venom.

Mike Rinder’s book is filled with lies. Mike Rinder was never a father to us. He demeaned me and my brother Benjamin constantly as we were growing up and has continued to this day. He violently attacked his former wife, my mother Cathy, and caused her permanent physical damage.

I have chosen some examples of the lies Mike Rinder published in his book about me, Benjamin, my mother and the rest of my family. These should show you how much of an absentee father Mike Rinder was and how much he had no care for his family:

• Mike Rinder states that I never went to regular school. That is a lie: I attended public school in Los Angeles, and I have attendance and report cards to prove it.

• Mike Rinder states that our mother “rarely saw” my brother and me when we were growing up. That is a lie: My mother was always there for us and saw us all the time. She was involved in our lives since our birth and still is today. It was my father who was never there. He was, at best, an indifferent parent. He did not care. See my video.

• Mike Rinder states that once I became a Church staff member, there was no parent-child relationship and my parents rarely saw me. That is a lie: I always saw my mother and still see her all the time. My father was the one who avoided me and did not care.

• Mike Rinder was such an absentee father that he can’t remember Benjamin’s and my ages. He said we were 28 and 23 years old when he left us. That is a lie: I was 27, and Ben was 21.

• He also states in his book that Ben moved to Clearwater, Florida, in 1995 when he was 12 years old. That is a lie: Ben moved to Clearwater in 1999 after he had completed school.

• My father states that after he left the family, he wrote a letter to my mother in which he tried to get her and us to come to him in Virginia. That is a lie: Mike Rinder sent an email to a Church staff member about shipping his belongings to him and relaying a short message to my mother about joining him. He never wrote to my mother directly and never mentioned me or my brother at all.

• My father abandoned us in 2007, never reached out to us, and since 2009 he has attacked our family, even trying to do a video ambush on his own son, when Ben was recovering from cancer, assaulting my mother and calling us humiliating names like “puppets,” “liars,” and “slaves.” See my brother's statement.

• He states that there was a “big upside” in moving to Florida in 2009 because Ben was in Clearwater and just 20 minutes away if he ever needed help. That is a lie: My father knew his son had cancer at the time, but he never reached out to help him.

• My father says he went to the Fort Harrison in Clearwater on April 14, 2010, to see Ben because he was anxious to find out how Ben was doing. That is a lie: In June 2009, nearly a year before, my father learned that Ben had cancer, yet he did nothing. He did not try to see him or call him. He showed up 10 months later at the Fort Harrison with a videographer so he could record the visit for the media.

• Finally, Mike Rinder has the audacity to write that “somehow Cathy’s arm was grazed” when we tried to see him in April 2010. That is a lie: He attacked my mother. I was there. I witnessed the assault. The injuries he inflicted were so severe that she is still in constant pain and has limited use of her arm.

Benjamin and I wrote an Open Letter to Mike Rinder in which we describe how he completely denigrates us, and we detail more lies in the book. You can read it here on my website: An Open Letter to Mike Rinder

Finally, I saw in the news that Mike Rinder testified in favor of a convicted rapist, Paul Haggis.

A cookie-cutter response from someone in your faculty staff who doesn’t understand the severity of supporting such a woman abuser on campus is why I had to do this video message on Thanksgiving.

DO NOT HELP MIKE RINDER FORWARD HIS HATE AND LIES.

Do the right thing. Cancel Mike Rinder’s event.

Taryn Rinder

Justice4mom

Family Communication

To Mike Rinder: We, Taryn and Ben, wish we could start this open letter like one of those touching tributes penned by siblings who know they would not be who they are without their dad. One that tells their father how much his unwavering love, support and understanding meant to them. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those letters.

You, Mike Rinder, are not “Dad,” or “Father,” to either of us, Taryn or Ben. Dads earn the title. They value, respect, support, and most importantly, love their children. You didn’t do any of that, whatsoever. You were not our father. You weren’t a father to us when you name-called us as children, fat-shamed me, your daughter, belittled the way we dressed, denigrated our interests, and slept rather than spend even an hour of time with us. Nearly every olive branch we extended, you cut off: you hung up on us when we called, ignored us when we showed up at your office, and broke the promises you made to spend time with us. You just didn’t care. For a long time we thought we had done something to make you dislike us. Forgive us, we were young. Eventually we independently came to the right conclusion that it was you. You were cold, arrogant and disinterested—not only in us, your own children, but in other people. So, no. You were never a real father to us. Let’s bring it to the present—you aren’t a real father when you try to exploit your own children to sell your hate-filled book. And that’s exactly what you’re doing. So let’s address that. First, we reject the letter you address to us in your book. It is not sincere, genuine or true. We honestly wondered if your editor made you write it to give you a touch of humanity. But let’s be real, you never cared before—so don’t pretend you have any love for us now. You’ve proven that you don’t, over and over. Your distortions of how we were raised are further proof of that—what you have written is not the reality of our lives. You’ve taken kernels of truth and wrapped them in fabrications. You make a claim that you and Mom were “preoccupied” and didn’t raise us—that is a complete invention. Mom was there for us at every point in our lives. You weren’t and that’s the truth.

But, possibly you got so much wrong because you’re writing about something you knew nothing of—us, your children. I guess you didn’t know I, Taryn, went to public school—for years? Or that I, Ben, didn’t move to Florida until four years later than you write? Petty points? Maybe. But a real father would know these details. And out of all the major life events you write about, there’s one, in particular, you shockingly didn’t mention: The time I, your daughter, almost died. Remember... when I was seven years old I was hit by a car in a double hit-and-run that left me torn, bloodied and broken? And hospitalized for weeks? Or the fact I had a severely broken leg, a fractured skull, multiple deep gashes, burns and two sprained arms? Perhaps I should forgive you for not remembering this. You weren’t there. Mom was. Never you, although you could have been if you’d cared. Then there are your inventions. BEN’S CANCER: You write that you rushed to the Fort Harrison to see me, Ben, “the moment” you learned I had cancer. Except, I learned later, you were told by your local newspaper—and they even published the fact, twice—almost a year earlier. Then, in 2010, when I was sitting in the sauna—recovering from two years of pretty harsh cancer treatments that saved my life—I was frankly shocked to have the Police walk in to tell me you were outside demanding to see me. I knew there was no way you were interested in me, your son. I didn’t buy it. You had so many chances to visit—you lived only a few miles away—and never once reached out before. So why were you here now, with a camera? That’s when I—yes, me—made the decision to not see you. I knew you were up to no good. And I was right, as you proved when you said you now have “evidence” for the media. How is using your own son’s cancer to save your “reputation” showing love? It’s not. You didn’t give a damn about me. YOUR DESERTION: You say your abandonment of our family, with no discussion or notice, was done with the full intention of contacting us once you left. But you didn’t, did you? Not once. You rudely and dispassionately wrote to an associate of Mom’s to ask for your stuff, and as an aside, demanded mom join you in your usual arrogant manner. You didn’t mention either of us (Taryn and Ben), the children you proclaim to love and who you insincerely dedicate your book to. You made your choice and we all moved on with our lives. That course was only altered when you just had to attack everything we, your family, believes in. But you don’t mention that part of the story, do you?

ASSAULTING OUR MOTHER: You physically assaulted our mom, your then wife. I, Taryn, was there and saw you do it. This, I just can’t forgive. And yet you dare to state mom’s arm was “grazed” and that I “claim” assault and have made up “lurid” details. I saw the blood. I saw how much you hurt her. She was permanently damaged and it is I who have cared for her. I’ve also had to personally deal with your constant victim shaming and false accusations of her being a “liar”—your actions are shameful and evil. But the abuse and deception goes on: in the same breath that you profess your love for us, you call us, your kids, “brainwashed,” “puppets,” “POW slaves,” a “cog in a wheel,” a “specimen,” and more. Real dads don’t call their kids any of these things, and certainly not publicly. A real dad also doesn’t egg on vicious and often mentally damaged people to attack his daughter. But you’ve done that a lot, haven’t you? Ridicule is something you’ve always been good at. The only thing you got right in your book is that you were a bad father. Except, like everything else, you blame others. Like most bad fathers, wife abusers and irresponsible husbands, it’s always someone else’s fault. But we know the truth. We know you will try to toss off what we have written with the convenient claim that we are “puppets,” and did not write this ourselves. Unfortunately, that is the arrogance and denigration we remember you treating us with throughout our lives, and which you sadly have refused to change. And by the way, a real father does not make the rejection and denunciation of their religion a condition for reuniting with his children. You are just as denigrating of “free will” as you accuse others of being. Have you thought about that? So no, we don’t want your letter, nor do we want the “memoir” you claim you wrote for us or any of the lies within it. It’s self-serving and all about you. Stop telling lies about us, your family, our friends and our beliefs. You have proven what your real intentions are and they’re not good. We want nothing to do with you.

Why my Mom had a Delayed Reaction to the Pain from her Domestic Violence Attack

My father domestically abused my mother, resulting in serious injury and a life of constant pain for her.

One of the ways that my father, Mike Rinder, the abuser of my mom, has victim-shamed my mom is by taking information out of context. One specific is the notation the paramedic made on the medical report they did at the scene of the attack. Under pain level, they wrote, "2 out of 10." They had asked my mom in that moment of extreme trauma and pain, which was her response.

My father, Mike Rinder, has since used this to justify his physical attack and make less of it.

Something that has really bothered me is the fact that my mom was in extreme pain just days later. It was at this point we found the physical attack at the scene of the assault was much deeper and more extensive than it initially seemed. And it is now 12 years later, and she is still in pain.

I finally found the answer by simply looking online. Upon looking, there were so many mentions and studies on it -- all of which made total sense to me. There is a known medical term for it which is Delayed Pain Reaction.

Here are just a few of the studies I found:

"Delayed onset pain means symptoms went do not begin immediately but come on at some point after the initial injury. In some cases, pain may begin a few hours later, while in other cases, the pain may be further delayed by days or even weeks."

And another asks why pain can be delayed. Very interesting and makes sense. "Delayed pain is most common in soft tissue injuries such as muscles, tendons, discs, and ligaments. There are generally two reasons for the pain not to be felt immediately following an injury – adrenalin and swelling… While adrenalin is very short-lived, swelling can last for long periods. Swelling is caused when fluid and white blood cells move into the injured area to promote healing. Unfortunately, the pressure the swelling can put on your nerves can cause pain. This process can take time which causes a delay in you actually feeling pain.

For example, many people who are involved in car accidents walk away and do not feel any pain. Then fast forward a few days, and they can’t get out of bed in the morning due to neck or back pain."

The last one: “Our bodies create immunities designed to mask pain. The brain releases adrenalin and endorphin as a defense mechanism in traumatic situations. Consequently, once the chaos of the accident is over, you have a chance to unwind from the drama. At that point, the symptoms are felt.”

It just made total sense to me, and it dispels the lie and the victim shaming by Mike Rinder, which is based on the fact that she said her pain level was a 2 out of 10. I was at the scene of the domestic violence attack. I know how much pain she was in the heat of the moment when the adrenaline was running high and for every day since the attack.

It’s clear to see, using the report written within the hour of the attack, the severely damaging domestic violence attack by Mike Rinder is an inaccurate gauge of the abuse and of the damage done to my mom.

With the lie dispelled, Mike Rinder can no longer use it to get away with damaging and hurting a woman. I'm really happy that I found this because it finally makes sense and is the truth about what happened.

I am posting this as I hope it helps other people who have had domestic violence attacks wonder why their pain was delayed and what they can do about it or why that is.

Taryn

Justice4mom